Not that we're obsessed with anal probes or anything, but the last time we interviewed Derek Proud, project manager for THQ's Destroy All Humans!, he told us that the game did feature one - but he couldn't speak about.
Thus, we have been obsessed by the role of the anal probe in Destroy All Humans! for months, occasionally waking up in a hot sweat thinking about it.
Luckily, there's plenty more in Destroy All Humans! to be interested in. The 50s-themed retro-comedy alien romp goes on sale in the UK today, so we hooked up with Derek once again to spread the game's extraterrestrial cheeks and get deep inside...
Anal Probe, Anal Probe, Anal Probe. Tell us about the Anal Probe. What does it do? How do you use it? What effects does it have on your enemies?
Derek Proud: Well you see, first you take your Anal Probe, then you fire into some unsuspecting human's butt, and they run away screaming in pain. If you do it just right, then they become so traumatized that their head explodes - leaving behind their delicious brain stem full of juicy DNA!
Thanks to our extensive knowledge of biology (i.e. Google) we've identified that cryptosprodium is a protozoan organism that causes severe diarrhoea. Since this is the hero's name in Destroy All Humans!, should we expect plenty of squitty humour?
Derek Proud: Squitty? Not familiar with that term! If you mean poop humour - oh yeah we got poop humour.
We hear our pal Crypto-137 and his race are suffering from an acute case of extraterrestrial pecker droop. Can you fill us in on their reproductive problems?
Derek Proud: Many aeons ago the Furons were squabbling amongst themselves, using atomics on one another, and they got so irradiated that their, umm, bits stopped working and sort of fell off. Luckily they were an advanced race and cloning came to the rescue!
Obviously, Earth girls are the answer. After all, Earth girls are easy, right?
Derek Proud: So the saying goes. Well actually in DAH! Earth Girls are...Delicious! Not easy.
As well as toilet/sexual humour you're also packing Destroy All Humans! with satirical bombshells. What are your main targets?
Derek Proud: Our targets are all over the place - we make fun of a lot of the social mores of the 50s, we make fun of the battle of the sexes, we make fun of people's fear of the strange and foreign, we make fun of the government and the Red scare. Oh yeah we occasionally make fun of America a little bit too - but don't tell any Americans that!
Why is 50's Americana and the whole alien thing so perfect for this kind of satire?
Derek Proud: It came from all the B-Movies being made and set in the 50s really - a lot of those movies had a lot to do with the Red Scare at the time. The other thing that worked nicely was that the 50s are seen as a time when people in the US were very homogenized and straight laced - so that was fun to play with in a lot of ways.
What are the parallels in today's global climate?
Derek Proud: Oh, now you're getting heavy. I think the player can see whatever parallels they like in it - we definitely take the odd sideways potshots at modern events in the dialog.
Also the global climate these days is much warmer than it was in the fifties - global warming and all that.
How free are players to complete Crypto's missions in their own way?
Derek Proud: Our goal with the missions was to always give you objectives but let the player choose the method to achieve them. Some objectives only have one solution but other objectives have a variety of methods to achieve them. We tried for multiple solutions where possible.