7 Sins

Women are little more than male porno fantasy sex obsessives, all large boobs and simple of mind, there to be used and abused; you're rewarded for being as morally dubious as possible and revelling deeply in every one
of man's basest instincts; and everything and everyone is fair game in the pursuit of power, fame and fortune in Apple City. Yes, 7 Sins is without doubt the most misogynistic game I've ever played. But it's not all good news. There are some problems with it too, stemming mainly from a technical standpoint.

You see, it's hardly pushing game programming to the limits and as ports from console go, it's quite lazy (references to left analogue sticks and PS2 controller buttons, for instance). Plus, as far as providing a challenge, once you've figured out the basic pattern for NPC manipulation, there's little to stop you making progress.


But of course, we all know that 7 Sins isn't going to be criticised and lambasted by the majority of the gaming media for its technical prowess. Nope, if ever there was a game designed to bring forth the two-faced puritan instincts of the games press, it's this one.

The problem for most, obviously, is with the sexual content of the game. There's bags of it, in all manner of permutations (the range of options open to you at the Eyes Wide Shut-style masked S&M/sex club are quite astonishing), although with very little actually on show. No nudity is the order of the day and this, perhaps, is 7 Sins greatest, ahem, sin. That it doesn't have the courage of its convictions and go far enough. Will mentioned while watching me play that had the developer combined the game side of this with the sex side of Virtually Jenna (the boy's obsessed), we might have something. Exactly what isn't clear, but I agree...

You'll probably read a lot of foaming at the mouth sub-Daily Mail evangelising elsewhere about how this is puerile, worthless and morally unredeeming stuff, but to be honest people are just missing the point. That's exactly what it's supposed to be.

This is Eurotrash in gaming form and as much as you might want to hide it, you're lying if you tell me that you've never enjoyed an episode or two of saucy Euro-based titillation. Proof? There weren't as many crowds gathered around Will's desk when he played Boiling Point.

Bottom line is that we laughed while playing 7 Sins. Quite a bit. It's far funnier (and ruder) than Leisure Suit Larry and the mini-games at least remain true to their subject matter. Rather than take an abstract view of what a mini-game should be as most titles do, 7 Sins says, right you want to look up that woman's skirt? BAM! Mini-game. Keep your aim up her
skirt for 30 seconds. Wanna piss on that plant? BAM! Mini-game. Piss on the bugs crawling on that plant.


We can't wholeheartedly recommend 7 Sins as a total gaming experience, especially at the princely sum of 30 quid. It's way too easy, the novelty does wear off after a while and, well, it's not exactly Half-Life 2 or anything. But it amuses. It shouldn't, but it does. And it honestly isn't anywhere near as bad as some might tell you. They're just too timid to admit it.

The verdict

A saucy little number

  • Actually quite funny
  • Remains true to itself
  • Not particularly PC (in either sense)
  • Doesn't quite go all the way
  • Ultimately too simple
  • You may be offended
Monte Cristo
Digital Jesters