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E.R.

Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks. You see, while ER may appear to be a DOA write-off with less life than a cremated corpse, it does possess just about enough breath in its lungs to prevent it from being a terminal case.

Jumping on the ever-more crowded Sims bandwagon, ER attempts (and fails) to capture the bustling hospital life - doctors trying to pork each other while saving the dying - depicted by the TV series that no-one's been watching since Clooney pissed off to be Batman.

You play the role of a new intern, walking around the hospital treating patients, interacting with staff via nonsensical emotes and building up skills so that you can say things like, "He's tachicardic with a nine over four haemoglobin anal deficiency!" without having people thinking you're speaking utter bollocks.

Zoom

Bereft of tension and riddled with lazy animations, ER is far from infectious, though it does have an underlying charm that might dazzle the more clinically inclined (or failed medical students). After a painfully slow start, things do begin to get more interesting, especially once you've mastered the art of emote-based conversation and built up your skills sufficiently to treat patients with injuries more severe than a grazed knee or a hairdryer up the rectum.

With a few of the current cast adding their voices and some punchy dialogue, ER is far from a dead loss. However, much like the NHS, it's ugly, slow and at times criminally inept.

The verdict

Lifeless

5.3
Format
PC
Developer
Unknown
Publisher
Mindscape
Genre
Sim / Strategy

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