Imagine spending hours locked in a room, incessantly swatting away swarms of flies that circle around you like you're a giant turd, while listening to Hulk Hogan spew out over-acted, clichéd one-liners.
I'm guessing that - with the exception of those six readers who do actually spend their free time like this - this doesn't sound like too much fun. Sadly, this is exactly what a protracted session of Serious Sam 2 is like.
JUST A QUICKIE
Now don't get me wrong, it is fun in its own special way. As relentlessly action packed
as the first two games, it's the kind of old-school blaster that throws wave after ever-larger wave of enemies at you from every direction (and gives you ever bigger weapons to kill them with), over the course of numerous wacky-looking levels. You can even play them through with some friends. Which is nice. And quite fun. In short bursts. However, the problem doesn't lie with the game's lunchtime blast fun factor, but with its utter lack of invention. Within an hour, you're not only starting to get bored of the blatantly made-for-console gameplay, but irritated by the countless shortfalls too...
DON'T PLAY IT AGAIN SAM
...Like the atrocious acting where accents slip more than a sock on shit. Jokes that are less funny than turning up in New Orleans and shouting, "Have any of you heard the one about the hurricane!" through a megaphone. Physics sporting less weight than an anorexic with a helium balloon stuck up their arse. Enemies that charge at you in a straight line. Worse still, is the total overdose of satire that pokes fun at the very conventions that drive the game - bosses at the end of levels, a square-jawed, gravelly-voiced, incessantly wisecracking hero etc - which only highlights how simplistic and dated a shooter this really is. Sure, SS2 doesn't take itself too seriously, but that's only because if it did, it wouldn't be that good.
Quite frankly it's an insult to have to pay 35 quid for something that starts getting irksome in under half a day and is only genuinely entertaining in 20-minute bursts. Mindlessly fun and manically intense it is, innovative and essential it seriously isn't...
- Mindlessly entertaining in short bursts
- Fun co-op mode
- Painfully repetitive
- Hugely dated gameplay
- Often feels like a console game