The stage is set, the alcohol is flowing and the most prestigious awards in gaming are about to kick off. Risking severe embarassment and champagne-on-keyboard incidents, here's our live blog straight from the dark corner of the glitzy ceremony...11:20am We're here! The wi-fi costs a tenner to use but there's free drink!
Drink count = 1
Sega's hotshot spokesperson is spying our blog. We want copies of Phantasy Star Universe from him. He has none.12:30pm We've just managed to sneak into the VIP area - Sam Fisher-style. Look out for the pictures we'll be uploading shortly.
Drink count = 4
Yes, we're knocking them back.01:00pm It's about to kick off and we're heading into the main hall. Our table is at the front - we're literally spitting distance from our host, Justin Lee-Collins. 01:09pm We've just been handed some pasty-pie things. They're not as good as the giant pies we get at the local pub. That's okay though - eating is cheating.
Meanwhile, no matter how desperately we try to finish the Champaign in our glasses, we just keep getting refills. Hold on - why are we complaining?
Drinks count = 4... and some more.01:20pm Lamb shanks all round. This might sober us up a bit. It's 1:20pm and we're on the booze. It's going to be a last-man-standing competition before 5pm. 01:38pm The lamb was lovely. Not KFC lovely, but almost. Anyway, where's that Collins bloke? The Rockstar boys are getting impatient.
We had no idea there were so many females in the games industry. Do they all hide away until it's time to get on the glad-rags and swig free wine?01:58pm They're rolling out the dessert now, but we're bloated already. Still, there's always room for copious amounts of Stella... sorry, we mean Soufflé. 02:21pm Finally, the awards about to begin and we've been ordered to grab our beers and sit down. YES SIR!
*Slips a bottle into every pocket*02:27pm And we're off. Load music is pumping as the screen displays magazine covers. 02:27pm Justin walks on stage. We think he knows we're drunk though - we're so close he can smell the scent of pure alcohol on our breath. 02:35pm First up is the T3 Innovation Award. Xbox Live Marketplace takes it.
Nintendo comes in second and third.02:38pm Some bloke from The Sun takes the stage with two extremely fit ladies to present The Sun Family Game of the Year award. We battle through the beer-vision to take focus on the hotties.
Nintendogs takes the award.02:42pm "Who says PC gaming is dead? Garry Glitter!" The PC Game of the Year is taken by Oblivion. 02:54pm The 1xtra Soundtrack of the year goes to Need for Speed Most Wanted.
Oblivion is on a roll, taking home Xbox Game of the Year, too.02:58pm Nintendo is back on stage after Nintendogs is voted bliss Girl's Game of the Year. 03:01pm They're flying through these awards.
Handheld Game of the Year goes to the gangter-fest, GTA: Liberty City Stories.
Nintendo Game of the Year is New Super Mario Bros.03:11pm Age of Empires 3 takes Online Game of the Year. We don't play it, but you lot must do.
GAME is voted Sierra Retailer of the Year. Well done GAME.
Are you guys getting this on the live feed? Click the giant link on the front page if you aren't.03:19pm EA takes to the stage to accept the Publisher of the Year award. Shame about the lack of FIFA from those guys this year, though.
The Editor's Choice Awards goes to Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. Can any editors actually complete the first level? We're not so sure.03:23pm PS3 is the One to Watch next year. Clearly, Lik-Sang didn't vote.
Oblivion and 2K Games are having a great day - the Ultimate Game of the Year award is theirs.03:27pm And it's all over for another year. The award-giving part is, anyway. Now it's time to rush the bar and get really drunk.