All of us on staff are working very hard," reports SSBB director Masahiro Sakurai this month. "But it will be a little while longer before you can play it!" Gah.
While we wait, we can concentrate on who's yet to show their hand in the third Nintendo Fighting Tournament. From what we've seen, the smiles and kiddy-friendly public profiles of Nintendo's poster boys and girls is nothing but airy PR. Underneath lies the kind of repressed resentment on which the Desperate Housewives' cul-de-sac found fame, with no character too old (Pit from Kid Iracus) or obscure ( Metaknight, the vampy git from Kirby) to join in the bitchslapping. We've seen Wario skidding around the shop like a slapstick hippopotamus, but as for other newcomers, it could be anyone - from Chibi-Robo to Doshin the Giant. Who'd win in a fight between DK Jr and a Piranha Plant? Perhaps we'll find out.
The devious level design upon which the series has built its reputation remains intact, with the characters foolishly electing to engage comment in the middle of a Mario Kart GP. Elsewhere, the lucid flower power of the Psychedelic Republic of the Island of Yoshi will distract you, before cruelly dropping you down one of its monochrome pits.
It's an important title - it sells like gold-plated sushi out east, it's the first Wi-Fi enabled Wii title to market, and it's the perfect game to demonstrate that normal games can work on the Wii without shoehorning in unnecessary motion-sensing.