It's hard being a lonely gamer on Valentine's day (trust me, I know...), so we've gone and constructed a helpful list of gaming alternatives to replace that trip to local, where you'll inevitably down ten pints and sob in to your kebab on the way back to an empty flat.
However for those of you shackled up to a significant other this Valentine's Day, we doubt you'll get a chance to play any of these games today but there are some breasts for you to look at anyhow.
Oh, and this is your last minute reminder to pick up the missus' card from the petrol station on the way home - it gets later every year.
GTA: San Andreas
No one with internet access has managed to avoid the infamous Hot Coffee mini-game in GTA: San Andreas, and if you haven't got a loved one to cuddle up with this evening you might as well get some polygonal action in the mean time. It's the future.
God of War
Probably not the most romantic of games ever made, but the ultra-violent God of War series does feature plenty of ancient greek boobies for you to ogle at this evening - just in case you can't get a few quiet minutes alone in front of the internet. The sequel's set to up the ante as well, with a full-blown sex mini-game to help you test your erm, button-mashing skills.
Dead or Alive X2
Can you see a trend here? This one might have boobies as well, but Dead or Alive X2 can also help you practice your lady skills for next year by dealing out virtual gifts. Alternatively you could just perv over them, but in real life that won't get you much further than a Sidcup Yates on a Saturday night.
Another gaming pull-'em-up that'll help single-ites feel a bit more socialable this evening is Fable. It lets you get plastered on giant novelty beer jugs, trawl pubs chatting up random women, before having a fight with a dark-eyed attacker and stumbling back to your rented accommodation. Just like Faliraki, then.
Viva Piņata is not only a great way to feminise your Xbox Live friends list (because only girls play it, really) but non-single gamers may also find that the missus enjoys raising cutesy piņatas as well.
As the main aim of the game is essentially to get your virtual pets to do the candy love dance, Viva Piņata is probably the only game on this list we'd even suggest getting out on Feb 14, apart from maybe...
We once knew a man who bought his lady friend Nintendogs for Valentine's Day, along with a pink DS and Nintendogs carry case. It worked fantastically - which is why we now have a copy of Nintendo's pet sim on hand at all times, in case we ever need to flog it to the girlfriend as an emergency anniversary gift.
If you're not flying high on the pulling ladder this month, The Sims is a viable practice tool for brushing up your relationship techniques - and dealing with those inevitable rows over the pool table that's recently been left-click dragged into the study.
Whatever you get up to tonight - be safe.