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Drawing The Line At Monkeys

Haze Creative Director Derek Littlewood writes exclusively for Xbox World 360. About greedy monkeys. Oh yeah.

They know, you know. They pretend they don't, but they do. They sit there with their cute furry ears and their disturbingly symmetrical mouths and they might look all kinda innocent, but they KNOW.

Derek Littlewood - Creative Director, Free Radical

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It wasn't always like this. I remember the days of wholesome fun, us running around the Mexican level in TimeSplitters 2, punching everyone else in the knees and scampering off as their bullets sailed way over our heads. Those were the good times - the times before they got GREEDY.

It was all too much for them, y'see. In retrospect putting them in all the TS2 marketing was a mistake, but who was to know? Who could have guessed such fame-hungry brains could've lurked within their furry little heads? A few requests for magazine shoots seemed innocent enough, but by the time they started demanding multiple starring roles in TimeSplitters:Future Perfect, merchandising rights and right of refusal on all future appearances, it was already too late - their reign of power had begun.

Now, all people want from HAZE is monkeys. "Yes, so you might have some gorgeous, lush environments, and a gripping narrative," they say, "but where are the monkeys?", or "So great, you've got four player co-operative play in there, but where's the fun in that if I can't shoot monkeys?". The monkeys are the stars, you see, and they aren't going to let anyone at Free Radical forget it; we just make the stage for them to appear on.

Or so they think, because I'm not going to let it continue. The line must be drawn HERE.

And that, my friends, is why there will be no damn monkeys in HAZE. Not one. Not even a cute little zombified one. Or a robot one. Or a pirate one, or a ninja one. None. They'll learn who's in charge here and they'll learn the hard way, damn them.

But even as I write this, I can feel their eyes roving over my back, and the hair on the back of my neck begins to stand on end.

They know, you know.

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