BioShock hat

Hankies ready.

There are tales that break the heart - stories of such great tragedy that Shakespeare himself could have penned them on a tear-stained parchment. Today, we bring you one such heart-rending fable that will have you sobbing on your mousemat.

As you'll know, every month we have some very inventive competitions, often asking you, our precious, precious reader, to construct some elaborate (preferably bleeping and flashing) robot, machine gun or similar. In return we give you a prize of epic proportions. Well, in ish 178 we scaled down the requirements as we literally scaled up the prize. For simply texting us a haiku about how much you love BioShock, we'd give the best entry a MASSIVE life-size Big Daddy statue. It really is extraordinary.

So as Craig was tearing open the various odd-shaped parcels that arrive in the office each lunchtime, he pulled out a remarkable Big Daddy mask and hand drill, constructed beautifully out of papier mache, Coke cans, gold paint, and a whole lotta love. Written inside the mask, in bold words in the transparent can bubbles, is the haiku:

Hop on Daddy's back
No one dares to mess with me
Let them try, they'll die

It is, all told, a fantastic piece of work. What it is not, however, is a text message.

And as such, it's disqualified! Daniel Basich, we're sorry! Such great work, but ever-so slightly misreading the rules there. Perhaps in a couple of years time, when mobile phones will come with in-built 3D printers, this would work. But in our current grey, featureless world, texting is pretty much about poorly spelt words, and less about plastic objects in the post.

If it's any consolation, Tim's going to wear it to a fancy dress party this weekend.