Bath, England - September 24th, 2007: They've had enough. In their hundredth podcast, staff of the US edition of PC Gamer, smarting over the superior Wikipedia position of their older sister-magazine in England, as well as their relatively diminutive Steam group (1,486 members to 2,510 in PC Gamer UK's - henceforth known as "Real PC Gamer") have called out their English friends.
Describing them as "Thieves", "Pasty" and "Sold on an island", one member went so far as to claim he could defeat them single-handedly - though not, he admitted, with a single hand. After some more braggadocio, they publicly offered to wager the top cover image position on PC Gamer's Wikipedia entry on the results of a match of Team Fortress 2.
After an emergency Monday morning summit, Real PC Gamer have decided that their honour (with a "u") means they cannot overlook such a foolhardy challenge issued by desperate people when it comes attached to such heinous insults. They demand satisfaction, in the international language of Team Fortress 2. Real PC Gamer, en masse, promise "So... much... blood..." while Ross Atherton, Real PC Gamer's editor adds "This is not the beginning of the end, nor the end of the beginning. This is the beginning of the beginning. We shall fight them on the battlements, we shall fight them in the sewers, we shall fight them in the intelligence room, and we shall never surrender. They can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom!"
The rules of engagement follow: The battleground will be ctf_2fort. Eight a side, exclusively comprised of writers and assorted staff of the respective magazines. First publication to five captures wins. Unless a suitably neutral Swiss server can be located, the battleground will be on PC Gamer UK's server at 6pm BST - 10am Pacific Standard Time - on October 1st.
Tom Francis, Staff Writer of Real PC Gamer, wishes to stress, ahead of the conflict, that he is not now nor has he ever been a member of the intelligence community or involved in any form of espionage whatsoever.
About PC Gamer
PC Gamer is the UK's best-selling computer games magazine, and has spawned countless copycat efforts across the globe. Its unique combination of an enormous Steam Community group, prominent Wikipedia placement and a staff of highly trained Team Fortress veterans makes it perhaps the most respected and feared publication in the world.
About PC Gamer
PC Gamer is a computer games magazine sold in the United States of America. It is 104 pages long.