Smushed-in faces and ears like pork chops - boxers are never eye-candy. But here? Man, they're ugly.
Vaguely flesh-toned textures mapped onto crisp packets; these crinkled monstrosities tragically gambol around the ring waiting for another of their human/origami half-breed kind to punch their soul out.
Ugliness seeps from the 2D crowd that violently shudders on the top screen like one of Tim Robbins' hellish Jacob's Ladder visions.
Visuals broken, DSI set about ruining the Showtime brand. With not an official boxer in sight, rendering the licence worthless, you fight with lame caricatures: Lazy Lorenzo, Sixpack Sam, Punchbag Pat.
The fighting has a sensible enough control scheme: you strike a defensive stance with the face buttons, which modify the left and right punches thrown with the shoulder buttons.
Trying to undermine stances with the correct flails is pitched as fist-flavoured rock-paper-scissors, but as you can win every fight with a wide-hook, it's more like seizing the rock and delivering sharp cracks to the skull.
On the upside? When you run out of stamina you grunt like a bear. Funny. Unintentional hilarity aside, we'd rather have our ears bitten off than play this.
Ugly, repetitive and a waste of the licence. It's not quite Balls Of Fury bad, but getting there. Punch-drunk and pointless.