Oh dear. It's no wonder that after releasing this monstrosity Washington-based developer Sandblast Games closed its doors for the last time. Nor is it a surprise that Destroy All Humans is so embarrassing the US PS3 version was scrapped - although EU Sony fans can still sample the treat that is Path of the Furon. We've got to ask though: where on Earth has all the time during those lengthy delays been spent?
It certainly didn't go towards improving any technical aspect, that's for sure. As alien Crypto runs, hovers and flies about Destroy All Humans' five small worlds he'll spy animation-less pedestrians skidding about the floor and buildings that appear and disappear without warning. Physics has no ethereal meaning in these worlds, as people and cars sometimes fly across the map after the slightest contact with another object.
The only plus of these technical failings? Secret tokens can be spotted from huge distances. It's only when you begin to approach them that the scenery in between decides it's time to appear...
The sorry excuse for a sandbox game is all wrapped up in a 'fetch this/kill that' mission-set epitomising boredom, justified by a 'zany' story even Uwe Boll would steer clear of. The 'humorous' script fails without exception to raise a smile; the one quip about featuring side-missions to appease reviewers looking for replayability (ergo extra marks) proving just how out of touch Sandblast really were, given the technical woes of the rest of the game.
Yes, we laughed to begin with. Shambolic parades through the opening cities sent frame-rates crashing and giggle levels soaring. Two hours in, however, the mild amusement had gone. Sad as it sounds, an actual sandbox - cat turds, earwigs and all - is more exciting to play in than Path of the Furon.
The only way this could be more broken is if the disc snapped in two while you were playing. Come to think of it, that would actually be a blessing in disguise.
Time to dig up those copies of ET; there's a new extraterrestrial king of the landfill. Absolutely horrible.
- Painfully unfunny
- Excruciatingly dull missions
- Doesn't Work