Interior, meeting room B4 of the Apocalypse planning committee. Two men in suits with tiny devil-horns are talking in hushed tones about their latest project: a button-smashing, demon-bashing third person game.
"So, guys, we've got this game - where someone is sent to earth to mop up the mess left by a load of fighting demons and angels - that needs filling with one of our guys. We've got four to pick from, but the cast they've got so far doesn't have that pop, that zing."
"How about Famine? He looks great in those skinny jeans."
"He collapsed last time he was on set and we had to get him a happy meal. No, and Pestilence won't do either. He puked on the floor the other day and it burnt a hole in the carpet. The photographers hate him."
"Can we just...fire those guys? I mean, War looks brilliant in a hoodie, all smouldering and aggressive."
And lo, the seas parted, the other two horsemen of the Apocalypse became Strife and Fury, and War - the chosen player character for visceral stomp-fest Darksiders - got an awesomely snorty horse named Ruin.
Brought in to sort out the ruck between the forces of heaven and hell by some form of independent judiciary body called the Charred Council, it's safe to say War's time on earth isn't canonical: the bible doesn't mention much about special Wrath meters, or how they're filled by smiting enemies with lengthy combos, or even how, once angry enough, War can unleash magic-style attacks, renting sinew and bone with his sheer pissed-off-edness.
No, even the madder parts of Revelations are hazy on War's apparent ability to save energy to the point he can double in size, dish out heinous amount of damage, and turn completely invulnerable. You'd think a mythological personification of conflict wouldn't be shy of a few hit-points, but the chance to to turn into an invincible, building-sized sub-deity of pure destruction will always liven up an afternoon.
Doing the killing will be an array of overly pointy weaponry: expect plenty of stuff to be severed from other stuff. Bosses are a prime candidate for this de-body-partsing, with the PS3's God of War a major influence on Darksiders' screen-filling baddies. War will be making his way up many a biblical monstrosity, hacking and stabbing wherever a squishy part presents itself. What a lovely man.
Quick and dirty combo attacks promise to stir up enough blood and ichor to keep the player satisfied. Or, enough to make them watch behind their fingers, sobbing softly for the loss of humanity's innocence. Look, more entrails!
Expect all the guts you can spill when Darksiders launches in June.