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Xbox Live's 'little b*stards' get rude awakening

Military advisor Hank Keirsey is on the case

Hands up who's been abused on Xbox Live? Keep 'em up if it was by a candy-munching, 12-year-old American sprog - with a Childline-bothering aggressive streak and a mouth filthier than Dita Von Teese's wormery.

Wow. Look at that. A sea of arms. Arms that know the incredulity of being tarnished as a "fag" by a pre-pubescent.

Perhaps the most irritating aspect of this experience isn't the eardrum-piercing maltreatment - it's the futility of your resultant anger. Because swearing at children is wrong. And you know it.

But hang on. Help may yet be at hand - and it comes in the hulking, bad guy-terminating shape of Hank Keirsey.


War hero and US military advisor Keirsey has been consulting with Treyarch during development of Call Of Duty: Black Ops. Having held a similar role on titles such as Modern Warfare and Call Of Duty 3, he knows his games. And he knows his gamers.

"The reason I chose to go with [Treyarch] was because I did think they were doing a useful service besides making a good game," he told CVG.

"When I played the original Call of Duty, after being a soldier, I screwed up a couple things. I know to check corners and when someone jumps out I was kicking myself. It was sufficient and realistic enough that it gave me the damn willies. I was waking up in the middle of the night thinking I could do much better."

So Hank practised. He got good, too. But there was one aspect of the online experience that he wasn't so keen on. And he's out for revenge.

"Then you're pissed off in multiplayer when some 12-year-old is kicking your ass," he added. "You think: 'I do this for a living you little b*stard.' I'm going to crawl down your basement hatch and I'll find you, you little..."

We suggested to Hank that if these half-grown foes knew who he was, they might not be so confident in the virtual warzone. But his train of thought was unrelenting.

He continued: "'I know where you live you little b*stard. Use all the expletives you want; when I show up you're going to have a big bar of soap in your mouth and boot up your ass. You little b*stard."

You hear that kids? Yes, you. Sleep tight, now.

[DISCLAIMER: It was pretty evident to us that Hank was joking. We think he's probably got better things to do in his spare time.]