Microsoft has released categorical proof that those with winsome faces and gym-trained bodies will gain an astronomical amount of pleasure from Kinect.
Are you a pastel-wearing, blemish-free grin fiend? Does your lounge look like an anodyne MFI replica? Do your children do nothing but smile and congratulate?
Then playing table tennis with your hands (no bat! we can't get over it!) will be just about the MOST THRILLING THING YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.
That's what we can infer from this new MS video for Kinect Sports, at least.
Oddly, this family don't look like the sort of 'sports fans' CVG understands in the classic sense. Where are the squidgy beer bellies? The QPR shirt that hasn't fitted since 2003? The sofa's Pepperami-based perma-stains?
But look closer. A stifled darkness is bubbling away here, people. The children look oddly dissimilar. You know, genetically. Could mum be hiding something?
Witness the moment that dad moves to indulge his wife in a self-laudatory cuddle - following a notably successful portion of palm (no bat!) ping pong. The emotional blockers appear to be erect; the pair never get further than a meek, almost disdainful rub of the forearm.
Might he KNOW the skeletons in her closet? Has he EVER forgiven her for her betrayal?
Could this whole happy family life - something for the crushed Pepperami munchers of this world to dejectedly aspire to - be nothing more than a socially dazzling charade; held together by a brittle adhesive of mistruths and motion control?
Oh, Jesus. There it is. It's him, not her. The totem of her imprisonment. The manifestation of her torment.
Like the impeccably-timed twist from a Robson Green ITV thriller, it stands - testament to a tragically enforced captivity.
The zig/zag Ikea lamp, blocking mum's path to the garden. To outside. To freedom.
That poor, poor, woman.
Still, she did beat her son at football.