A basic rule of thumb for any journalist learning the art of news is that 'Dog bites man' is a poor story - but 'Man bites dog' is a winner.
If you're the Daily Mail, however, it doesn't get much tastier than 'Dog bites man - must be gaming's fault.'
So, here's how a new Mail story unfolds: A dog - not a banned breed or anything, just a bog standard dog called Saracen - bites part of nine-year-old Megan Walker's lip off.
Horrific, yes, but probably not unusual enough to be a headline-grabber.
The girl was playing on a Nintendo DS. That's better as far as the Daily Mail's concerned.
What?! The girl was playing Nintendogs at the time of the attack. Bingo!
Terrified schoolgirl, 9, has top lip ripped off by dog after it heard barking on her Nintendo DS
Wow. I mean... When you look again, that's kind of terrible. All anti-witch-hunt feeling aside, it's just... bad. This might be time for Nintendo to hold its hands up.
"I think this game should carry some kind of warning," the girl's grandma told The Mail.
"People should be told not to play it when there are dogs in the room. I blame the game for what happened to Megan."
Damn right. This is just awful.
Then again, let's take a moment. We are kind of second guessing the motives and inner-workings of a dog. Which is... difficult. As they don't speak. Unless you've smoked a LOT of drugs.
So... let's just look to see if there could be anything - anything at all - that could have acted as a trigger other than the Nintendo DS.
Because, right now, Miyamoto's quite literally in the dog house.
Surely, though, it's obviously Nintendog's fault? I mean, it's a cut-and-shu... Hold on. What's this?
"Ms Melville was unavailable for comment," reads the LAST LINE of the Mail story.
"But it is understood that she told police that Megan may have kicked Saracen - and that is why he attacked her."
No more. We can say no more.
We're going to read The Sun from now on. At least that's a well-balanced, reasonable... Oh. Nuts.