Do you have a girlfriend? Does she play games? Then you know what we be talking 'bout.
Huh? You don't know?
Come on. You know what we be talking 'bout.
Ooooh yeah. You be gettin' it on tonight. And tomorrow night. And - okay possibly not Wednesday because she's got her photography class.
But ooooooooh Lordy, come Thursday... ah, drat. Her mum's coming round Thursday.
Look, you're getting some tonight and tomorrow, okay? Just be happy with that.
Then again, she did say she wasn't feeling too great this morning.
Whatever, sister. Cosmopolitan has decreed - by way of none-too-specific research - that gaming girls do the bad thing more often than their console-ignorant friends. Four times a week, no less. The mucky bleeders.
No arguments, now. When Cosmo says it, it happens.
"If you don't have a Wii," writes the women's bible, "hit up an arcade together. He'll be in man-date heaven, and you'll win too."
Ohhhhhh baby, you'll win all right. You winner, you.
Word of advice, though: You might want to wash your hands between the House Of The Dead gun-flicking and the sexing. After all, there have been a lot of grubby fingers on that trigger.
Sorry to ruin the mood.