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Duke Nukem Forever: Is it the return of the king?

"Hail to the King, baby! I'm back! What have I missed?"

In 1997 Duke Nukem Forever was announced. Next year, after an insanely long development cycle of misery and well-paid lawyers, it's finally coming out.

First-person shooter Godfathers 3D Realms may have gone bust, but in an emotional twist that would have your mum reaching for a hanky, neighbourhood development buddies Gearbox (them of Borderlands fame) have rushed in to save the day.


Using a complicated mix of Pritt Stick and Sellotape, they're putting the Duke back together.

Duke Nukem is a simple man, with simple needs. He likes kicking alien ass and staring at naked women, and he likes to shout funny things while doing both.

"Shake it baby!" was a favourite first time round, but now Duke is funnier and more sweary than ever before. Don't believe us? When you play the game, pick a piece of poo out of a toilet and see what Duke has to say about it while you're hurling it at the walls and leaving brown stains.

"What am I? A god damn chimpanzee?"

The game starts with a fully interactive urinal, and swiftly moves into an alien assault on an American sports stadium: explosions and extra-terrestrial gunfire are ripping up soldiers everywhere, so it's up to Duke to take on the one-eyed giant freak stomping around an American Football pitch.

Once you've been at him with a Devastator dual-rocket launcher and kicked his eyeball between the goal posts, however, it's revealed that this level is actually within another game that Duke is playing in his palatial Vegas penthouse.

What's more, he's in the company of two blonde twins with very little modesty to share between them.

Suddenly, though, the Aliens from the last game are back - and their mission statement is the same: they want our women, and they want the hot ones.

As the man himself says: "Nobody steals our babes, and lives." Those pig cops, three-boobed alien queens and floating-squid things are in for a rough ride as the Duke throws himself back into the fray.

Without much ado he's shotgunning in the face, shrinking enemies then stamping on them and aiming for the genitals so his whimpering foes have no choice but shoot their own heads off.

Duke Nukem Forever is crude, lewd and pretty much unforgivable.

What's more: it's back, and it's fantastic.

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