Right. That's it. It had to happen today, didn't it? You couldn't leave us be for five minutes, could you?
Hours after we stumble across evidence that Alan Titchmarsh - the high priest of anti-gaming hoopla - is rubbing his fingers all over a console and bloody loving it, someone has to lollop in and spoil all the fun.
Predictably, that 'someone' had to be Anne sodding Diamond and Matthew numpting Wright.
If you're not familiar with chunky/thin/chunky/thin Anne, she's the Celebrity Fit Club cheat who was briefly famous for being Roland Rat's co-presenter in the late '80s. Now she makes her coin writing housewife-scaring guff about being chunky/thin/chunky/thin in the Daily Mail - and billowing the stench of her opinions into Wright's gleefully oafish face on FIVE.
Zoom(Sorry, 'Channel 5'. FIVE's dead, apparently. For the sake of brand-concious clarity, it's the one that used to regularly show Shannon Tweed's breasts, and now does not.)
You may remember that back in 2008, Anne gifted us some am-I-still-in-a-job-boss-brilliant reviews of violent software in the Mail, in which she noted Dead Or Alive's "gravity-defying breasts" and said she was "stabbed to death with pitchforks amid fountains of my own blood" in Resident Evil 4.
(Unbelievably, neither of these were listed as a plus point. There was no score either, which suggests Anne took her cue from one of those artsy games sites from big America.)
What's all this got to do with video games in 2011? Anne's back, baby - castigating interactive entertainment alongside simple-stare encouragement monkey Wright. And guess what? The result is every bit as codswallop-rich as you'd expect.
Except this time, we've had enough. The line is being drawn. Today, we fight back. Today, CVG launches W.R.O.N.G - a concerted campaign to stop (or at least loudly mock) the Witless and Ridiculous Opinions Of Non-Gamers.
Anyone who opens their mouth on national TV, in the papers or at a major publicly-attended event and chats absolute bull about our hobby, we're badgering you - and badging you. We'll collect up our group of W.R.O.N.G'uns throughout the year, and give you lot a leaderboard to point and giggle at around Christmas time. Imagine it. It'll be all festive and that.
ZoomIn the meantime, feel free to pinch our badges, dotted around here. Stick them on your Facebook wall, or your Twitter profile. Hell, print them out and rub your erogenous zones on them if you fancy. All we ask is that you engage with us - it might just make you feel all tingly inside. More W.R.O.N.G celebrity faces will no doubt be available throughout the year. Ooooh! We could even do a sticker book!
So, why are Matthew and Anne in the firing line this time? More importantly, how could the woman who inspired so many unemployed semi-ons in 1988 be our very first badge lady for W.R.O.N.G?
Because of yesterday's The Wright Stuff on Channel 5.
On the show, Wright invited long-forgotten US actress Stefanie 'Fading' Powers to talk about the tragic murder of 16-year-old Agnes Sina-Inakoju in Hackney, London last year - for which two 20-something gang members were tried and jailed for life this week.
Presumably, Fading Powers' lead role in knockabout sitcom Hart To Hart from about 20 years ago makes her a perfect candidate to dissect the subject and and offer informed insight. We don't work in TV, so we can't really say. No expertise, no comment. It's a good rule.
The broadcast conversation moved onto to today's sad tabloid story that a young boy (some reports say a teenager, some a nine-year-old) stored the weapons for the two gang members under his bed before the shooting occurred.
Here is what ensued on FIVE/Channel 5's Wright Stuff from there in on, verbatim:
Matthew Wright: It was one of the most shocking news reports I've ever seen. That someone could peddle up, take his machine gun out and spray people [with bullets], almost without looking at who he was hitting. [Turns to Powers]: But I guess as an American, you've seen more than your fair share of teenagers and gun stories.
Stefanie Powers: I'm afraid so. And I hate to think that as Americans we've exported along with rap music and the horrible video... I say the horrible video culture. It's the horrible violent video games [wiggles thumbs] which, I'm terribly sorry, they've been used far too long as baby-sitting devices, so that children are raised with these flashing, hot symbols of violence. And irresponsible violence; there's no responsibility to the violence.
MW: Absolutely. Which you can equate with a teenage boy who almost certainly would have played just those games, spraying a machine gun without...
Anne Diamond: Well in fact, having just that sort of armoury under his bed - just like you'd have a couple of Nintendos and a PlayStation under your bed.
MW: Yep. Yep.
SP: And it's probably that emotionally he's just as detached from the potential of this as he would be with his Nintendo.
MW: I agree. And maybe we should talk about the shoot-'em-up games again tomorrow in the light of this, because I think you're dead right.
No, Matthew, no you shouldn't. If Fading Powers was "dead right", I'll eat my R2 trigger finger. Perhaps - just perhaps - factors other than old Ice-T records and 'Nintendos' play into the horrific gang violence seen in the papers this week. And while we're at it, a teenager did not "spray a machine gun" at any point in the story you're referring two. A pair of gang members, aged 21 and 22, have been convicted. If you're going to lazily tie video games to a tragedy to feed the rabid ignorance of your slovenly audience, at least get the most basic of facts correct. Muppet.
And Anne! Oh, Anne. What in all of Skyrim were you talking about? Were you genuinely juxtaposing the cutesy idea of a young boy storing unwanted video games consoles under his bed with the image of him concealing a stash of machine guns? Why? Seriously, though. Why? How could that image possibly help any one us understand this horrendous crime any better?
Or were you suggesting - and the conversation surrounding your comment suggests this could actually, incredibly be true - that video games hardware inspired the idea of a weaponry hidey-hole? Who keeps 'Nintendos' under their bed anyway? Honestly, Anne, your Resi 4 review made more sense than this.
Please, please, please... next time just say nothing. Zip. Nada. Because now and forever more, you're associating yourselves with some of the worst perpetrators of video games-related idiocy we've ever seen. You look foolish. And it isn't cool.
And for those who perhaps believe we should just "let these insignificant idiots be", I hear you. But here's a quick fact: The Matthew Wright Show pulls in approximately 750,000 viewers a day. That's comparable to the entire number of gamers who bought Halo: Reach in the UK last year.
It ain't right. And that means there's only one word for it.
