The new issue of Nintendo Gamer is on sale now.
In their latest issue, Nintendo Gamer digs up 29 of the worst decisions ever made in Nintendo gaming, either by us, Nintendo themselves, or their merry band of 'characters'. Below are some choice cuts from the full feature...
1. SUPER PAPER MARIO
Jumping through hoops is never fun
There's a point in Intelligent Systems' follow-up to the wonderful Thousand-Year Door where they've already made a heavy-handed attempt to satirise the tedious nonsense players will put up with for the sake of progress by forcing you to run in a hamster wheel for ten minutes to pay off a debt. But by then asking you to literally beg an NPC (you actually have to type in "PLEASE" several times) to find out the order in which to hit three blocks in a 25-string sequence (mess it up and you have to start again) it oversteps the mark. Not big, and certainly not clever.
2. METROID OTHER M
They call me Mr Lava Lover
Other M's concept of restricting Samus' powers until Adam Malkovich has given her the all-clear to use them is daft, though the story gives us the excuse that she's in awe of her superior, and thus happy to abide by his decisions. Sadly, this idea stretches credulity to breaking point in the sequence where she runs through a volcanic interior, her energy draining away with every second she spends in the heat, as she bizarrely refuses to activate her Varia Suit despite burning to death. Duh.
3. DISNEY'S EPIC MICKEY
A combination of thoughtlessness, clumsiness and stupidity at the outset of Warren Spector's ambitious adventure sees Mickey unleash an evil ink blot, and in his attempts to rectify his mistake he manages to send it to a previously bright and happy world, turning it into a bleak, ravaged wasteland. The dolt does at least attempt to atone for his errors - albeit only after the blot returns to abduct him - but the resentment that villain Oswald the Lucky Rabbit harbours for his rival made us see Mickey in a whole new light.
4. STAR FOX 64
Let this feathered fiend vanish into space
Over the years, it's been poor old Slippy Toad who's got it in the neck from Nintendo fans, his ribbety gibbering causing him to become the most hated character in the Star Fox series. Yet it's Falco Lombardi who earns the gold medal as Fox Team's lead jerk, aiming a constant stream of snark at you whether you're following orders or not. With that in mind, the worst thing you can do is to save him, as it only means more abuse later on. Ignore his demands and you won't have to listen to his avian idiocy any more. It might seem harsh, but you'll thank us for it as your self-esteem recovers from his sarcastic comments.
5. SUPER MARIO BROS - THE MOVIE
A cinematic disasterpiece
During an interview with The Guardian, Bob Hoskins described the Super Mario Bros film as "the worst thing I ever did". From a man who appeared in Parting Shots, Spice World and Outlaw, that's quite some claim. But it really is that bad, a dreadful mess of anti-entertainment that has blighted the CVs of everyone involved in its creation. Both Hoskins and Dennis Hopper called it a "nightmare", and if you've ever had the misfortune to see it, you'd find it impossible not to agree.