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The only time games bring a lump to your throat is when the lump is preceded by the fist of a mechsuited super-soldier. Right? Actually, no. In the following list, you'll find some of the eye-weepiest, blow-your-noseiest moments gaming's ever produced, courtesy of Nintendo Gamer...
1. SUPER MARIO GALAXY
Rosalina's harrowing childhood...
After spending the day pinballing around the galaxy, Mario can anchor himself to Earth by visiting the Observatory's library and listening to Rosalina's tale of how she became mother to a brood of Lumas. The story tells of her futile search for her mother, before she finally acquiesces and becomes the astral equivalent of a crazy cat lady. Legend has it producer Yoshiaki Koizumi wrote the script at night when the team had gone home, so nobody would know about it.
2. LITTLE KING'S STORY
Mini royal lonely no more?
One for the parents in the audience. Little King's Story tells the tale of Corobo, a lonely boy who's sucked into a fantasy world where he rules over an entire village. But once he disposes of the final boss (an enormous rat), he finds himself alone again... and in his old bedroom. Here, he comes face-to-face with a normal-sized version of himself. Was it all a dream, or are there two Corobos? The narrative cuts out before we can get an answer.
3. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS
Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be... the real Twilight Princess!
Who could fail to be touched by Midna's restoration from irksome imp to her rightful place as the true Twilight Princess? Nintendo's storytellers don't always get the credit they deserve, but Midna's redemption story is worth two John Marston deaths, or seven Niko Bellic internal monologues, or nine million Gears Of War introspections.
4. SUPER MARIO BROS 2
The plight of bullied Birdo...
You've got to feel sorry for Birdo, gaming's original transgender star. All he wants in life is to wear a pink bow on his head and be called Birdetta, but what does he actually get? His own eggs flung back in his face by angry plumbers. Watching such bigoted, blinkered violence play out in the supposedly happy-go-lucky Mario games was truly saddening. Happily, the hate crimes soon stopped and Birdo is now an accepted (if not particularly productive) member of Mushroom Kingdom society.
5. CONKER'S BAD FUR DAY
"The grass is always greener..."
They say heroes get the ending they deserve, but even the foul-mouthed, urine-happy Conker deserved a cheerier ending than this. With a lax programmer's help, Conks manages to overcome his foes and become the king of the land, but in the excitement of the moment he forgets to ask the programmer to restore his girlfriend Berri to life until it's too late. Depressed, alone and ruler of a land populated entirely by jerks, the script originally called for Conker to pull a gun on himself.