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Giant Enemy Drab: Nintendo E3 press conference review

Though this was the most suicidal E3 presentation since Sony's Giant Enemy Crab farce, the true crisis for Wii U is even bleaker

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But take Just Dance 4, one of today's Wii U game demonstrations, as an example of how times have changed. Suddenly the simple act of dancing is not enough.

Nintendo asked: Why just dance in Just Dance? Why not instead stand still and summon other people's dance moves with the tablet controller?' The saddest part of this misguided tragedy is that, had that somehow been a good idea, it would have already been an iPad app.

Confusing rhetoric by Fils-Aime punctuated a number of modest games on display. At one point he claimed the key selling point of his new console is "asymmetric gameplay". Because apparently, though there was barely anything to testify such a claim, everything will be more fun if customers have to deal with two screens instead of one.

This, apparently, is the commercial philosophy from a company that managed to sell about 90 million Wiis simply by asking people 'fancy a round of indoor golf?'

Such simplicity no longer exists at Nintendo. At one point Fils-Aime even confused himself by saying, "imagine the Wii U as the Wii universe, and the Wii U GamePad as a window into that universe". Can't we just play F-Zero Reggie?

Zoom

More disasters: For every minute Nintendo spent enumerating third-party support for its new system, a giant neon sign should have flashed on screen baring the phrase "No Activision Support".

It's not surprising that Kotick and associates appear to be waiting on the Wii U before pouring investment in. After the trailblazing success of the first Wii, Nintendo no longer seems to understand why it was such a success.

Where there was once simplicity, there is now exasperating confusion. Here's the more accurate sales pitch for Wii U, though you may need to take a deep breath: The Wii U is a TV-tethered home iPad that supports Unreal Engine 3 games whilst also providing an enclosed social network and internet browser in addition to "asymmetric gameplay" between television displays of which one is a touch screen.

Even Nintendo, with its peerless experience in the games arena, can't sell that kind of monstrosity.

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