For this week's trip down memory lane we're metaphorically mosying on down to 1989 for a retrospective thumb through issue 95 of Computer and Video Games Magazine. A publication famed for the "FIRST EVER HOLOGRAPHIC GAME PREVIEW" - among other things.
Like last week's CVG Classic, issue 95 enthusiastically welcomed a "long-awaited addition to the swelling consoles market": the Konix Multisystem.
"What the hell is a Konix?" we hear you ask. Well, since this writer was born just two years prior to its release of this issue, and was likely too engaged in an epic thumb sucking session to care about video games, we'll have to defer to Wikipedia on this one.
Oh Wikipedia! Wise, all-knowing portal of information and totally legitimate reference point for journalists, bestow upon us your knowledge:
"Konix was a British computer peripheral company primarily known for making joysticks such as the distinctive Speed King during the 1980s. Although this was its primary business for years, its place in videogame folklore was cemented by its ambitious plans to release its own video game console, the Konix Multisystem."
And did the Konix Multisystem take the video gaming world by storm, going on to become a must-have gaming machine, perhaps paving the way for more outstanding hardware from Konix?
"Signs of trouble in the progress to the release of the console did not take long to arrive. By May the release date had slipped from August to October. By October, a first quarter 1990 release was envisaged. The December edition of The Games Machine magazine revealed the scale of the problem. According to company sources, Konix had been on the brink of calling in receivers. Cheques had bounced, employees hadn't been paid and software development had been brought to a halt in mid-October as developers had reached the stage where they could continue no further without a finished machine."
YESTERDAY'S NEWS: Konix here at last
Ever the optimists, CVG of 1989 thought the Konix's chances were good. It said "on paper at least, the Konix wipes the floor with every other console, and some of its features even put the wind up powerful 16-bit home computers such as the Amiga and ST".
According to the news story the system's "state of the art custom circuitry" put its visual and audio capabilities "beyond even the Amiga". Technical specs aside the Konix's "vast range of control options" was expected to seperate it from the pack.
"A micro-switched Konix Navigator joystick comes with the package, but even more exciting is the innovate analogue steering controller which can adapt itself to suit thee different game types".
No doubt this was a lesson on the importance of cynicism.
- Batman (C64, Spectrum) - 92%
- APB (Spectrum, ST) - 64% and 78%
- Drragon Spirit (Spectrum, ST) - 81% and 82%
- Myth (C64) - 90%
- Gemini Wing (C64, Amiga) - 31% and 48%
- F-15 Strike Eagle (PC) - 93%
- Shufflepuck Cafe (Amiga) - 80%
- Aaargh (Spectrum, C64, ST) - 42%, 44% and 71%
- Quartz (ST) - 80%
- Paper Boy (Amiga) - 69%
- Passing Shot (Amstrad, ST) - 55% and 61%
- Maze-Manis (Spectrum) - 42%
- Bomber (PC) - 89%
- Rainbow Warrior (ST) - 76%
- Arthur (Amiga) - 91%
OLD SCHOOL ISSUES: Suicide by DIY
Dear YOB, I'm writing in to tell all you stonkworthy C+VG readers about a few DIY projects to try on your micro, but before that I would like to congratulate Sir Clive on his best creation, the ZX81. Yes, you have to hand it to the man for producing a pathetic little box with a totally useless keyboard, memory capacity and black and white display. My first project works particularly well on this embarrassment for Sinclair (RIP)
Project 1 - The terminator: Have you heard of the box you put out on the dash board of a car that makes noises to help lunatic drivers pretend they're blasting the crap out of the car in front in a traffic hold-up? Well here it is for the home micro, but this one not only helps you pretend that you're naffing up the computer it actually does it for you - enjoyment and stress relief!! All you need for this invention is some wire and a switch. Cut the wire into two and put a bit on either side of the switch. Simply connect one wire to the live terminal of the mains outlet and the other to any one pin on the CPU and when you get really p****d off with a game, just press the switch. Smoke will emit from the user port, and in a few seconds the computer will explode, hurling little bits of black plastic all over the room.
Project 2 - The cheat Machine: This amazing idea will give you infinite anything you want in any game. All you need is a small hammer, preferably one with a six inch wooden shaft and a small screwdriver. While loading a game, use the screwdriver to remove the keyboard. When the game has loaded, repeatedly strike the internals of the computer until something dramatic starts to happen, hopefully infinite lives or time etc. I would like out that this project has not yet been perfected, and may not work first time, especially if you can't remove the keyboard. But if this problem occurs, simply hurl the computer at a wall, preferably a brick one, as this has the same effect as using a hammer.
Well, all I have left to say is that C+VG is a stonking good mag, and if anyone wants to donate a computer for research purposes I will be happy to accept.
- Richard Head, Paisley, Renfrewshire.
CVG's Yob responds: Well, Dick Head, it certainly looks like you can give a computer a darn good POKEing, but research must be very machine-expensive. Have any of you other readers got any useful hints and tips like these? If you have please write in - there's a T-shirt and software on offer for the best tips printed!
CRIMES AGAINST ADVERTISING: Saint & Greavsie: The Ultimate Soccer Quiz Game
Usually we'd use this section of the feature to draw attention to and mock egregiously bad advertising from yesteryear. At the sight of this dynamic duo I was ready to tear into the mustachioed man and his maniacal looking amigo, but thought it would be prudent to check with football-loving colleagues to make sure they aren't beloved soccer prophets or something.
"That guy was a respected sports comentator and so was the other one," - Rob Crossley, Associate Editor, CVG.
"They were football pundits, very much the Andy Gray and whoever the other guy is that commentates now, of their age. To be respected, especially Greavsie," - Chris Scullion, Online Editor, Nintendo Gamer.
"Jimmy Greaves was one of the best English strikers ever. Ian St John played for Liverpool, he won the league twice and an FA Cup." - Tom East, Online Editor, Official Nintendo Magazine.
Maybe we'll just leave this one.... *Backs away slowly*