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Comments of the Week: 'The dog's going to die'

Your finest, funniest and oddest comments over the past seven days

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Survey: Average UK gamer is married, 35, earns £23k

"I killed my last wife, I am deceased or alive depending on whether I want to continue, and earn around 30,000 gold per month." - TheCrimsonFenix

This sounds like the worst start to a Claims Direct advert ever


PlayStation CEO: Industry must be very conscious of ownership issues

"For games and media there are lots of grey areas. With digital media, you don't own a download game itself, you indefinitely own the licence to it, which does actually allow you to do pretty much anything you like, including sell it. But you don't own the game. Draw a picture of a cat and you can copy it, sell it, change it etc. If you buy Halo you can't put a sombrero and moustache on chief and sell copies of the game as 'Hola', because you don't own it, you have a right to use it." - Dijon

Nobody has the right to use Hola. Maestro Jefe is one of the toughest hombres in gaming.


Don Mattrick's first year at Zynga will earn him $19.3m

"I wonder what he actually does at work. It can't be a hard days work. I imagine he gets to the office at 11.30am, sits behind a big, fancy desk, reads a few saucy emails sent by colleagues then what??

Does he just listen to peoples ideas then decide what to do with em. Does he check on what staff are doing online or shop floor before going home at the end of a tiring day at 2.30pm. I would seriously love to know what his day looks like and what he does to earn that money.

I only know for certain that it will be probably be very little, maybe signing the odd thing. I know he worked he worked his way up from the 80's, I just can't help trying to picture what he does at work" - Leopold5totch

We get the feeling you'd like to know what he does at work.


Call of Duty franchise has 'never been stronger', claims Activision exec

""Gorgeous, emotional story."
The dog's going to die, it's confirmed." - SadisticBrownie

GASP! Don't say that! We definitely don't want to play it now.


Call of Duty franchise has 'never been stronger', claims Activision exec

"The dog brings you back to life and suddenly, for no reason, is voiced by Rick Moranis" - richomack360

We definitely do want to play it now.


Confirmed: Xbox One boss Don Mattrick 'resigns'

"Maybe Microsoft can employ Mr Caffeine to take his place?" - The Sandbag

Maybe. Don't forget, Don Mattrick can never die, only the actors who play him.


Confirmed: Xbox One boss Don Mattrick 'resigns'


"I think this .gif says it all really." - only_777

She must have really been boring him.


Sony introduces mobile billing for PSN transactions

"There's a hungry Daily Mail reporter frothing at the mouth with this news. I can see him/her waiting eagerly by their phone for some irresponsible parent to call about their sky high phone bill due to this new way to pay!" - Zellpunch

Complete with a photo of them pointing at the phone bill and looking stern, no doubt?


Microsoft scientists create 'touchable 3D' objects

"And then the internet rose up as one and demanded that Microsoft revert to 2D." - gazdog9

Then Microsoft said: "What's the matter dudes, lost your TOUCH?" Then it laughed because it had made a funny joke about touching, then it rode off on a skateboard doing radical kickflips.


New Edge cover states: 'PS4 is your next console'

"PS4 isn't the future, PS4 is now, Xbox one is the future. let's face it the PS4 is just a more powerfull PS3 noting else. while the Xbox one was going to be all digital and cloud. everybody knows that 90% is going to be digital and that Cloud is very important. most companies are now getting Cloud services but people thought it was to early to make such a big step so now MS is going to do it more slowly." - liam_goodman1

"You sound like you've got your head... *puts on sunglasses* ... In the clouds. YEEEEEEAH!!!!!!!" - Tomgar

Hope you've got a Rawst Berry, because you've just been inflicted with the BURN status ailment. *ahem* Little Pokemon joke there. God, I'm so alone.


Zoom

New GTA V wallpapers feature bongs and delinquency

"First one looks like a fat Jamie Oliver" - EvilWaterman

"Just looks like Jamie Oliver then?" - gmcb007

Can't unsee.


Xbox One Kinect can scan download codes

"This feature will save literally seconds of my life." - G00N3R

Unless you play in the dark.


Xbox One 'employs advanced troll detection'

"I wish CVG employed advanced troll detection." - Gigerman70

We do. Enjoy your cavity search.


PSN a 'substantial business opportunity for Sony Pictures', says House

"Am I the only one who read the title of this article & thought what's Hugh Laurie got to do with all of this?" - Vhyper1985

Pretty much.


Xbox One 'employs advanced troll detection'

"I'm terribly sorry Rob (Crossley) but every time I see your avatar i get a vision of Karl Pilkington lol" - EvilWaterman

Look, if you're going to keep this up then we're going to end up not being able to unsee anything.


Microsoft exec explains 'meaningless PS4 specs' comment

""The problem is that Sony decided to go out and publish a bunch of numbers, which are in some ways meaningless". aaahhh the irony, after talking about how many transistors you managed to get into the Xbox One...." - superal3x

I hope you're a surgeon who specialises in severe bone fractures, because OH SNAP.