Now that China has
lifted its ban on consoles, the nation's empire of cheap system rip-offs is about to crumble.
Soon the ultra-deluxe Mini PolyStation 3 will be replaced by that sterile PS3, while those plug-and-play bootleg NES or Java games will be muscled out in favour of something terrible like - oh I don't know -
The Last of Us.
China's games market is a bout to grow up, and it's time to say goodbye to its legacy of comical plagiarisms. Have a gander at this collection of the worst/best knock-offs in the slideshow below, featuring hot properties such as the Treamcast and the Super Megason IV.
Wireless60 As the name suggests, it comes with 60 games. Every one's a winner. Well, give or take 60.
PS3 Ah, the PS3. Or to give it its full name, the PS3 Next System PlayStation Meeting. It's actually a fake Famicom (the Japanese NES).
Battman Remember the one where Batman bundled a fake Xbox, two fake PlayStation controllers and a fake pistol in a box and sold it to an unwitting Mr Freeze? That was a rubbish one.
Game Theory Admiral Very clever. The GTA, get it? "Dad, can I get GTA for Christmas?" "Of course not son, I'm an imbecile."
Mini PolyStation 2004 Don't be fooled by its slick(ish) appearance. See the CD tray? That's the screen, that is.
Neo Double Games Someone actually bought this for €7.90. And yet the child counselling fees will cost so much more.
Xbox Bet you didn't know the big X on the original Xbox could lift up, did you? What's that? It doesn't? Then what the hell have I just bought? DAMN YOU SHOPKEEP.
Treamcast For those who like a mix of different Sega generations. The name's a rip-off of Dreamcast, the controller's a rip-off of the Saturn and the console is a rip-off of Sega's current hardware situation.
PlayStation 3 "I'm sorry sir, it would appear your PlayStation only plays fake NES cartridges. Also, your contact lenses appear to be on upside down."
Chintendo Vii You know, people are starting to say Chintendo is struggling. They say it might need to become a third-party developer and make games for Sonny or Macrosoft. We say phooey: as long as Shimero Miyaloco is on board it'll survive.
Some fake DS thing Imagine a child's disappointment when they look at the screen and realise their new fake DS only plays one game, Street Fighter. However, imagine their delight when they look at the bottom screen and see another game, Soccer. PICK IT OUT.
Power Games Penguin Definitely the oddest offering here. It's a plastic penguin that stands on top of the TV, and you jam NES cartridges up its bum. We are not joking.
JXD S5100 This shameless 3DS clone is actually a nifty Android device with a Power VR GPU, 4GB of storage and HDMI out.
Unknown Good Lord, it looks like someone's exhumed this from a king's tomb.
X-Game 360 Just in case you were thinking the Xbox 360 wasn't popular enough in the east to be ripped off, slap your peepers on this lad.
Nintendo PolyStation Apparently developed by the holy trinity of Nintendo, Sony and Namco. We wonder why we've never heard of this. We must be out of touch.
PolyStation The all-new PolyStation is free from its Nintendo and Namco shackles and is now "just not a game anymore". We think they meant "not just a game anymore" but their wording's probably more apt.
Game Child Do you hate sexism? Do you refuse to buy your daughter a Game Boy because of its masculine connotations? Get them a Game Child instead, with such hits as Super Human Land and The Legend Of Person.
POP Station Unlike many of its kin, the POP Station at least knows what console it's trying to plagiarise.
iReadyGo Much 3G Actually, the iReadyGo Much 3G isn't too shabby - it's another Android device.
Super Megason IV The name is accurate - there's actually a flying human child in every box.
Game Box Here's what would have happened if the Xbox had been designed by Spider-Man instead of Microsoft.
JXD It's the DSi you always wanted. Other than an actual DSi, of course.
Mini PolyStation 3 The Mini PolyStation returns, with an enhanced fake CD drive screen thing. It only plays Soccer, but idiots can't be choosers.
Wintech This is a fake Game Boy that's only really portable when it isn't switched on, since you need to plug cartridges into it and plug it into your telly.
PX-3600 Look, it's literally ten times better than a 360. Numbers don't lie. There's a law against it or something.
An odd Mega Drive / SNES hybrid As the box illustrates, the only way to truly enjoy a fake Mega Drive with SNES controllers is to throw it off the side of a boat.
Action Pad How could you not buy the Action Pad? Look how proud Asian Steve Jobs is with... actually, wait. Does he have angel wings? Is that ACTUALLY meant to be Steve Jobs? Oh dear.
V Box Only a couple of letters short of an Xbox, surely you're guaranteed quality here. (not a guarantee)