Martin Korda goes feral in the first expansion pack for Monolith's classic shooter
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. And it was all sounding so promising. Three new sets of interlocking missions they claimed, which would capture the essence of the original AvP2 and answer the questions about the mysterious artefact from that very game, the one which gives the bearer control over the acid-filled alien hordes. New weapons, new enemies. This was to be it. The rekindling of the love affair I shared with AvP2, the game I gave my heart to last Christmas, but one to which I lost far more. Intestines, liver, spleen, kidneys and a windpipe if I remember correctly. Oh yeah and bladder (control). The single most terrifying game ever and I were once again to be reunited, entwined in a frenzied bond of blown off limbs and melted skin (I usually have to pay a kind lady from Kings Cross for that sort of thing), screams of child-like fear and an endless barrage of shouted expletives as dead bodies swim in a vat of blood. Yes it was all looking so promising when I was told what to expect from AvP2's first expansion pack, Primal Hunt. So just where did it all go so horribly wrong?
Oh the inhumanity
Having played as the so-called good guy in AvP2 (a heroic looking marine with an American accent and a jaw you could forge metal on), here you play an apparently evil Corporate soldier called Dunya, with a Russian accent and breasts like a pair of giant traffic cones. At least that's what they look like in the shower-scene intro thanks to the Lithtech engine's slightly suspect character rendering. Still, could come in handy if she wants to reserve a parking space for her APC. Eh-hem, right, where was I? Oh yes, while showering, you're called away mid-lather to go and find the alien-controlling artefact in some ancient underground ruins, leaving your boyfriend Dimitri cupping his balls in frustrationin anticipation of your return.
Tragically, the Corporate missions are about as subtle as a kick in the furry spheres. Within a minute of the first mission, you're swamped by legions of aliens. No suspense. No tension. Just action. And that's how it continues. There are no puzzles to solve, just a few levers to pull and loads of aliens to shoot, and while they do crawl up walls to rake at your eyes more ferociously than a slapping wife whose just found out her husband's been banging her sister, the lack of suspense and failure to capture the fear of AvP2 through erratic lighting and clever use of sound, makes the whole affair less gripping than a leper's hand. The final mission is superb though, and will have you unloading every round from your arsenal as you battle for dear life. Also, all three missions are monumentally difficult on the higher levels and will give even the most hardened alien-slaughterer an exhilarating challenge, due to the sheer numbers and toughness of the enemies.
Predatory Skills
So on to the Predator campaign. What a joke this one is. Apparently the most important campaign of the three in terms of storyline, it turns out to be little more than a pathetically cobbled together set of substandard missions, gelled weakly with some ill-thought-out and uninspired cut-scenes. Watching a bunch of predators waving at each other incomprehensively, looking like they're having their first stretch of the morning instead of mapping out an essential mission to liberate a priceless artefact, then running off in random directions and leaving you with a sidekick who gets stuck behind a pebble does not, in my estimation, constitute a gripping plot. In fact, I'd argue it doesn't even constitute an un-gripping one. The missions aren't much better either. Three new indigenous alien species consisting of a giant cow, a rock creature and a mutated ankle-biting worm make cameo appearances, but they can all be dispatched with the minimum of effort. Once again, puzzles are a nonentity and it's not long before the whole campaign degenerates into a simplistic corridor-based shooter. By the end of the three missions, the limp-wristed plot actually answers fewer questions than Thribbletwat College For the Dropped at Birth would if they entered University Challenge. Oh yes, I nearly forgot, the Predator's much vaunted new weapon - the wrist laser - is so effective, you won't even bother using its other weapons. Dull, dull, dull!