It happened one lazy afternoon. I was searching through Day of Defeat: Source's server browser for a busy game, when an accidental double-click of the mouse reordered the matches from least players down to most.
I couldn't believe my eyes. There were dozens of servers with just a single player on them. What were they doing on there? Is there a game mode I'm not aware of? Is it a big secret? Curiosity got the better of me, and I spent the afternoon logging onto random public servers with just one other player. Here are the chatlogs.
Server 1
Craig: Hail, nooby! N00by: hi Craig: I have a question. N00by: what? Craig: Why were you here, alone on a map? N00by: waitin for someone to come^^ Craig: How long have you been waiting? N00by: 2hours lolz Craig: The reason I ask is I'm joining maps with single players to ask them "why"? Craig: Can I take a screenshot of you? N00by: sure Craig: Ta!
N00by was a nice, welcoming chappy just looking for a friend. The few minutes we spent together was a warm introduction. My heart full of unfamiliar emotions (I think love was in there, but it could have been heartburn), I eagerly searched for other one-player servers to visit.
Server 2
Craig: Hello? Craig: Mr unamed? Craig: Do you speak English? Craig: I'm not here to play. I just have a question. Craig: Hello! Craig: Come and talk to me! Craig: Hello! Craig: What's your name? U.S. Army score 4 points U.S. Army score 4 points Craig: Who are you? U.S. Army score 4 points Craig: Hello? Craig: I'm Craig, who are you? U.S. Army score 4 points Craig: Why won't you talk? U.S. Army score 4 points U.S. Army score 4 points U.S. Army score 4 points U.S. Army score 4 points Craig: Hello? U.S. Army score 4 points Craig: bye bye! Unnamed, Craig captured Church Plaza for the U.S. Army U.S. Army score 6 points U.S. Army score 6 points
This was an odd experience. The other player wasn't interested in any sort of chat, but he would communicate through his movements. He'd beckon me to follow him around the map, but he never once opened up. We spent our time running around the map capping points, and I tried to write my name in bullets on the walls at one point in the hope he'd reciprocate. After the warm welcome from n00by, this was a downer.
Server 3
Craig: Hello, do you speak English? Frank: Uh...a little Craig: Why you here on your own, alone in the server? Craig: Were you waiting for someone to play with? Frank: no Craig: So why were you here? Frank: for fun Craig: Heh. Nice answer. What's your name? Frank: frank Craig: Well Frank, thanks for answering and not killing me. Bye! Frank: 81 Craig: 81 to you, too.
This was the answer I was expecting from most people. I understand the idea of running around a server on your own, playing with the physics and shooting my gun randomly into the air. But Frank wasn't typical, and he was the only player here just doing it for the fun of being alone.
Server 4
Craig: Hello fellow spectator! Craig: I'm not actually here to fight. Can you answer a few questions? de maddin: maybe Craig: I'm joining servers with one player on them and asking why they're there. Why are you here on your own? de maddin: testing Craig: What are you testing? de maddin killed Craig with thompson. Craig: Ow! Craig: Are you testing the map, your PC, something like that? de maddin: no the server plug ins de maddin: rtv Craig: Ahh, interesting. de maddin: nominate de maddin: rtv Craig: One more thing: can I get a screenshot of you? Wehrmacht score 3 points de maddin: why Craig: For fun. Craig: I'm on the bridge. de maddin: behind you Craig: Thanks! Wehrmacht score 3 points Craig: what's your name? de maddin: martin Craig: Thanks, Martin. Bye for now
Another answer I was somewhat expecting, our need to tinker extends to servers as well. I should have made sure he wasn't loading his server up with stupid sounds like "Headshot".
Server 5
Craig: Hello. Can I ask you a question? Gunneri SGT Hartman killed Craig with mp44. Craig: I'm not here to fight, Craig: Can we talk for a minute? Craig: Mr Hartman? Craig: Can I ask you a question? Craig: Why are you here on a server on you own? Craig: Hello? Craig: Do you speak english? Gunneri SGT Hartman killed Craig with spade.
He killed me with a spade.
Server 6
Baloo: hey let me kil u then i let u kil me Craig: Why are you here? Baloo killed Craig with spade. Player: Craig - Damage Taken Baloo: i like play dod:s Baloo: not my own Craig: But there's no-one else here. Baloo: not now Craig: So why stay on your own? Baloo: come ur base Baloo: wait people coming Baloo: rank Player Baloo is ranked 10/251 with 2559 points, 2337 kills, 1402 deaths, kd ratio 1.67 Craig: Do you do this a lot, wait for people to join? Baloo: no Baloo: COME UR BASE? Craig: So how long have you been waiting? Baloo: where u are Baloo: 10mins Craig: But you keep killing me. Baloo: yes Craig: And I have questions to ask first. Baloo: cause i need xp Baloo: ask when i kill u Craig: For where? Baloo: here Craig: But when I'm dead the questions don't show in the chat panel. Baloo: yes Baloo: i can watch it Craig: What's the xp for? Baloo: levels Baloo: showxp Craig: Do the levels reset when you leave the game? Baloo: no Craig: And this is how you like to play DoD? Baloo killed Craig with spade. Baloo killed Craig with spade. Baloo killed Craig with spade. Baloo killed Craig with spade. Baloo killed Craig with spade. Craig: If you're simply going to kill me for levels it can't be much fun, surely? Baloo: ok? Baloo: ei oo Craig: What do the levels do? Baloo killed Craig with spade. Baloo: oho Baloo Killed Craig with spade.
So, he was playing on his own in a modded server that needed other players to kill to gain ranks. At one point he got so desperate he no-clipped to my location and spaded me to death as I was trying to ask a question. Jerk.
Server 7
Craig: Can I ask you a question? Lasos: sure what Craig This is going to be a bit silly, but I'm joining servers with single players on them and asking them why they're there? Lasos: lol Lasos: I'm here because I'm a admin here o-O Lasos: I work for GrG Craig: ah, GrG? Lasos: Gun runners gaming Craig: Is that a clan? Lasos: yes Craig: Cool - and you're on your own just waiting for the rest of the clan, or randoms? Lasos: We normally have tons of players on just not early in the morning. Craig: Where are you? It's lunchtime here in the uk Lasos: 6:30 A.M here Lasos: Most of us here are USA and one of the clan leaders is in canada Craig: Heh - that's a bit early to be running around an empty DoD server. Were you adminning or just messing about? Lasos: playing around only time I'm allowed to is when no players are on and thats rare Craig: One last thing, can I nab a screenshot of you? I'm writing a blog piece for our website, www.pcgamer.co.uk Lasos: Go ahead Craig: Ta! Craig: I'll leave you to it. Bye! Lasos: L8ter. Lasos: Have a good day.
6.30 in the morning!? There are some dedicated admins out there. You'd need a catapult to get me out of bed at that time of the day. And for what? Just so his clan's server is running well. GrG clan, you're lucky to have such a dedicated admin in charge of your fun. They should have an "all hail the admin" day on that server. Sod mother's day: this is truly unconditional love.
So, some mysteries solved. If you're ever bored and want to join an online game, why not hit one with just one player? Maybe you'll come across an interesting, dedicated or helpful player in there.
I used to have a server for my steam group which my friend was running and we used to sit there waiting for players to join. It is good fun to get practice with two of you there but by yourself is a bit crazy.
Well maybe when I get a server sorted we can all have a game one day
lol nice one Craig, i often wonder myself why folk stay in empty servers at weird hours of the day or night. There are some strange people out there...
Someone on RPS mentioned that they read your dialogues with the players in the voice of Louis Theroux. I didn't thanks to the podcast but probably would have otherwise. Great article.
Proves there's some strange folk about Craig. I'll have to look into playing on the hallowed PCG Server. I'm pretty pants really.. but its better than playing with ones self. Erm.. sorry that didn't come out as I hoped.
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