Troublesome cameras, rotten language and bare breasts: not things you'd normally associate with a Nintendo game.
Okay, some of these occur in third-party titles, but the important fact is that each one carries the Original Nintendo Seal of Quality.
And that means Nintendo approved them all. Not so bad for a company famous for its censorship back in the early nineties, huh?
So the next time somebody pokes fun at Nintendo for being childish, do us a favour and put them right...
CVG Note: For those who haven't finished Super Mario Galaxy, you might want to not read this.
There's a huge spoiler about the ending, which made us hate NGamer with a fiery passion for two seconds. You've been warned.
Camera Woes - Super Mario Sunshine
The 3D Mario games are famous for their perfect cameras. Mario Galaxy's levels are unbelievably complicated, and yet the camera never struggles. So why is the Bagatelle minigame camera in Super Mario Sunshine so game-breakingly awful?
The Horrific Bowser Skeleton - New Super Mario Bros
Unless Nintendo give Mario an Uzi and a cigarette, his games are always going to be suitable for everyone. At least, that's what we thought until we tried out New Super Mario Bros.
It seems like a smoking tail wasn't good enough for Bowser this time: when Mario dunks him in the lava, Bowser's flesh is burned right off the bone.
His eyes melt into nothingness, and his futile attempts at clawing his way back to safety are for naught as his brain liquefies and drains out of his eye sockets. Nasty stuff indeed.
The DK RAP - Donkey Kong 64
The DK Rap is offensive. And not because it was the first time that 'hell' was used in a Nintendo game, or for the questionable line, "His coconut gun can fire in spurts. If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt!"
No, the DK Rap is just plain, so-bad-it'll-make-your-ears-bleed rotten. Don't listen to it, kids, it'll scar you for life.
Nettie Love - Shadow Man
Shadow Man's a dark game, but it's the ever-youthful Nettie that grabs the gong for the most un-Nintendo-y moment in it.
Or rather, the method by which she stays looking so young. Her fountain of youth is in Mike LeRoi's trousers, and let's just say that she drinks there a lot...
Pumping Up - No More Heroes
The blood's been cut out of the UK version, but No More Heroes is still a very mature game.
Travis's sword charge-up is one such example and sees him pumping up his weapon like he's trying to pleasure himself. Don't believe us? Play it and then admit you're wrong.
Moonstruck - Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Children? Dead. Adults? Dead. Cuccos? Dead. Majora's Mask is widely regarded as one of Nintendo's darkest games, and when the moon comes crashing down on top of Clock Town and wipes out all life in Termina it's clear to see why.
There's no Bruce Willis with a drill and a nuke to save the day here - just little ol' Link and his Ocarina, limbs twitching as the moon abandons its orbit and splits his head open on impact.
Losing Your Head - Resident Evil 4
A game so bloody it's hard to choose its finest moment. While we're particularly fond of the shotgun-meets-face explosion of bloody chunks, it's a move we'd seen in the original.
The image of Baghead lopping Leon's head clean off his shoulders, however, was a fresh horror that still haunts us to this day. We can't help but run as fast as possible whenever we hear a chainsaw nearby.
Seal of Disapproval - Conker's Bad Fur Day
Singing faeces, cog fellatio and language so blue it'll shock your socks off. It's no wonder that despite the game's advanced graphics and technical effects, Nintendo tried to wash their hands of it.
Nintendo Power didn't cover it and adverts were restricted to late-night television and Playboy. Nintendo didn't even publish the game in Europe, more than happily stepping aside to let THQ do the honours instead.
Peach's Pant - Super Smash Bros Brawl
What came first, the camera or the underwear? We're not sure if the blonde-haired blue-eyed Princess Peach's frilly knickers were created to satisfy those wanting to peek up her skirt, or if the free camera was designed so that people could look up her skirt, but what we do know is that it's seven shades of wrong.
Chainsaw Massacre - Scarface: The World Is Yours
Resident Evil 4's chainsaw moments were bad, but Scarface's are far, far worse. Bodies can be cut to pieces, and when the heads, arms and legs come flying off there's no shortage of the red stuff.
You know, we'd do anything for a green card. Say hello to our little friend...
The Killing Fields - Duck Hunt
Okay, so you're only going after pixellated ducks with the plastic-y NES Zapper, but despite the fantastical elements this is still a fairly realistic 'murder simulator'.
You're not even hunting the ducks for food - which would at least be excusable. No, you're creating a mountain of lifeless, bloody bodies just to see that score rise higher and higher. We hope you feel satisfied.
Scientist Slaughter - Goldeneye
If Rare didn't want you to kill the scientists in the Facility, why did they make it so much fun?
Shooting hats off guards is all well and good, but it's nothing compared to holding the brainiacs at gunpoint and then dying their white uniforms red by using their limbs and torsos as target practice. Fun times.
Pika Chewed Up - Super Smash Bros Brawl
Electrocution. Suffocation. Torture. It's the kind of treatment we'd expect to be reserved for Diddy Kong, not our beloved Pikachu.
But tucked away in the Subspace Emissary, that's exactly what we found ROB the Robot dishing out.
The Exploding Hamster - Maniac Mansion
Although the NES port of Maniac Mansion suffered a whole host of censorship changes, the American version shipped with one glaring, non-vegetarian-friendly oversight: the ability to cook and explode the hamster.
After snatching the rodent from Ed's room it was possible to take it downstairs and put it in the microwave. A few seconds later and 'SPLAT!' - hamster juice, which you could then hand to Ed, prompting him to kill the offending character.
Don't bother trying it with a European copy, though, the problem was noticed and duly removed.
The Spy with no Shame - Golgo 13
By today's standards Golgo 13 isn't at all controversial. The bloody headshots and cigarette-smoking lead, Duke Togo (who was changed from an assassin to a spy for the NES version), wouldn't look out of place in the current crop of games.
But although the sex scenes were tamer than a domesticated rabbit, the idea that bumping uglies would regenerate all your health caused quite a stir back in 1988.
Having seen some of the characters you could tussle with - the flirtatious Cherry Grace being just one of them - we're surprised the evening's activities didn't drain Duke's energy instead.
F-Bombs - Killer7
Coyote Smith, the 28-year-old 'petty thief', earned his place in the top un-Nintendo moments by constant use of his catchphrase: "You're f***ed".
It's a line he tends to yell whenever he strikes a Heaven Smile's weak spot, but strangely one that he didn't use after coming across a woman halfway through the first level who had her entire back half sliced off. No, that time we used it instead.
Everybody Runs - Minority Report
Minority Report was a terrible game with one insanely cool feature: the ability to pick stunned enemies up off the floor and hurl them off balconies, skyscrapers and through glass panels.
Bodies end up as mangled as a circus contortionist who's been hurled off the trapeze, which, by our reckoning, makes it well worth watching on YouTube.
Death of the Lumas - Super Mario Galaxy
When Matthew staggered into the office crying about the end of Galaxy we were shocked for two reasons.
Firstly, that he was even able to complete it in the first place, and secondly, that he could ever have misjudged an ending so badly. We laughed as he sobbed about everyone dying and poked fun at his simple reasoning....
...until, that is, we saw the ending in question. He was right, everyone died. The Lumas were hit by a lava blast and sucked into a vortex. It was our turn to cry then, and we don't know when (sob) or if (sob) we will ever stop...
Meryl's Hiding Place - Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes
There may be buckets of blood, urinating guards and unconscious, naked men left in the doggy position with nothing but a handful of blurred pixels to hide their shame, but it's Meryl's ingenious method of hiding her detonation override keys that takes the award for the most shocking moment in Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes.
How does she do it? By hiding it up her (Snip. You can fill in the rest - Ed). Come to think of it, that may explain where Peach kept Toad hidden in Super Smash Bros Melee and Brawl...
Going through the Motions - Manhunt 2
Accept our apologies, but we're not picking just one moment from Manhunt 2. We're picking the entire game. Not only is it the most bloodthirsty game, well, ever - it's 10 times more visceral than the PS2 version thanks to the Wii's motion-controlled kills.
Splitting Headache - Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Link's a murderer. You could argue that he's only killing evil people, but there's absolutely no need to stab the Master Sword right through Ganondorf's forehead and down through his throat.
Still, at least there's no danger of Ganondorf returning after this battle.
Topless Sports - BMX XXX
In perhaps the biggest oversight in videogaming history, BMX XXX was not awarded a BBFC 18 certificate.
Despite the fact that many lines of dialogue contained an f-bomb or two, and the toilet humour was even lower than the scores the game received, BMX XXX was released, uncut, on the GameCube.
However, its real 'un-Nintendo-y' moment came in the form of videos that could be unlocked. Collect enough tokens and the game will play real videos of strippers getting down to nothing but an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny thong.
Makes you wonder why no one's picked it up for a Wii update that makes use of the one-handed remote...
Bathtime Butchery - Hitman 2: Silent Assassin
Topping our Hitman moments list is the Jacuzzi Job mission. Fibre-wiring his two bimbos before gunning down the naked oaf while he bathes is a gruesome task, but it's topped by then pulling him out of the tub, spreading his legs and dragging his escorts into a rather suggestive position. Who says we need help?
Dr Turok's Brain Draining - Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
Before Turok turned rubbish (and morphed into a space marine) he had a thirst for blood and a stockpile of awesome weapons.
Top of the list was the Cerebral Bore: a gun that fired prongs into the brain of an enemy, drained its cerebrospinal fluid and then caused its head to explode in a shower of blood, skull fragments and brain fluid.
Unfortunately the weapon was never taken on board by Mario and co. Wonder why?
Boom! Headshot! - XIII
Nail a headshot and you'll be rewarded with a three-frame slo-mo close-up of your dirty work showing the bloody results in all their gory glory.
It may look like a cartoon, but XIII didn't pull any punches when it came to violence. Where's that sequel we were always promised?
What the hell? I thought this was supposed to be a list of 25 adults-only moments in Nintendo games?
First of all - how the hell do you manage to class a bad gameplay camera as 'adults-only' is completely beyond me.
Secondly, even though you did say 'some of these are third party titles' - the title is completely useless. If you're going to do a list and name it 'Nintendo', dont put games in it that are available for every other platform going. More than half of the games in this list are nothing to do with Nintendo. It would be like somebody making a list of 25 worst UK movies, and allowing anything in the list as long as it PLAYED in a UK cinema - nevermind if it was actually made here.
Ridiculous peice of journalism, this. Absolutely pointless. I'm sure you'll get what you were after though - a good bit of traffic from people actually wanting to see if Nintendo did have any Adults-only moments.
What the hell? I thought this was supposed to be a list of 25 adults-only moments in Nintendo games?
First of all - how the hell do you manage to class a bad gameplay camera as 'adults-only' is completely beyond me.
Secondly, even though you did say 'some of these are third party titles' - the title is completely useless. If you're going to do a list and name it 'Nintendo', dont put games in it that are available for every other platform going. More than half of the games in this list are nothing to do with Nintendo. It would be like somebody making a list of 25 worst UK movies, and allowing anything in the list as long as it PLAYED in a UK cinema - nevermind if it was actually made here.
Ridiculous peice of journalism, this. Absolutely pointless. I'm sure you'll get what you were after though - a good bit of traffic from people actually wanting to see if Nintendo did have any Adults-only moments.
No offense, but the Lumas dying isn't sad, because Rosalina says they come back to life as planets. And Pikachu doesn't get tortured, it's a generator. Beside, I swear I saw him smiling...
"The blood's been cut out of the UK version, but No More Heroes is still a very mature game"
As has been pointed out before the blood was not removed from the UK version, it was added to the US version. We have the original version as released in Japan.
Normally i'd leave a mistake like this alone but when it's printed by a magazine specialising in Nintendo games i'm less forgiving.
Never played Metal Gear Solid, I take it? They've hyped it up way too much, I've completed The Twin Snakes, and didn't even stop to consider Meryl's 'hiding place', it's sort of implied, but seriously, you don't really think too long and hard about it. Well, at least, I didn't.
"The blood's been cut out of the UK version, but No More Heroes is still a very mature game"
As has been pointed out before the blood was not removed from the UK version, it was added to the US version. We have the original version as released in Japan.
Normally i'd leave a mistake like this alone but when it's printed by a magazine specialising in Nintendo games i'm less forgiving.
I was joking, but no, I never went too far in MGS games, although I heard they might be worth it. Stealth games require too much patience and suspension of disbelief for my tastes.
The staffers always keep a wide berth from articles like this, once they realise that everyone agrees it is yet another embarrasing piece of 'CVG journalism'
They must have 5-6 yr olds writing for them these days.
why list manhunt 2, it's still banned in the u.k, and most of europe apart from holland! just because you got to play it for ya mag review last summer, before the bbfc decided on one here would get the chance. kids ripping of nuts with the wii remote and nunchuk, no way they might do for really on their dad while he's sleeping.
"The blood's been cut out of the UK version, but No More Heroes is still a very mature game"
As has been pointed out before the blood was not removed from the UK version, it was added to the US version. We have the original version as released in Japan.
Normally i'd leave a mistake like this alone but when it's printed by a magazine specialising in Nintendo games i'm less forgiving.
Glad someone pointed this out. If you have the bloodless version, don't kid yourself that it is the original. It's one big steaming lie.
The creator himself has said that the original was the gory version. The cutscenes make far more sense with blood, and dismembered limbs. Check youtube for the comparison videos if you don't believe me.
If you choose to believe a lie then so be it, just don't slander other people who know the truth.
why list manhunt 2, it's still banned in the u.k, and most of europe apart from holland! just because you got to play it for ya mag review last summer, before the bbfc decided on one here would get the chance. kids ripping of nuts with the wii remote and nunchuk, no way they might do for really on their dad while he's sleeping.
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Stealth games require too much patience and suspension of disbelief for my tastes.
